Spoiler alert!

For some unknown reason, my new limited cable lineup offers me the Hallmark Channel but not CNN. I spend a lot of time misting up, while being terribly uninformed: not altogether unexpected.

The Hallmark Channel programming director, if the last few days have been any indication, has some sort of unhealthy fascination with Little House on the Prairie reruns.

I watched a Very Special Episode of the show last night, wherein Jack the Dog dies of old age and Michael Landon's Pa obtains a replacement farm canine - later named 'Bandit' - wandering around the local five-and-dime for Melissa Gilbert's Laura (sounds safe). And now I get to my point; this reminded me of the Ultimate Book Spoiler Incident.

Let me take you back: there I was, tearing through the Little House on the Prairie books in the backseat of a Chevy as we moved from Someplace to Someotherplace. I was approximately eight years old, and the following scene transpires:

Dell (turning to face me from the front seat): Is Mary blind yet?

Me: Whaaaa??

And so, I learned all about spoilers. Naturally, I'm paranoid about spoilers now, though I have thus far managed to beat Dell to the movie theatre for Crying Game, The Usual Suspects, and The Sixth Sense. So not all is lost.