Road Trends: The wheels on the bus

I miss the T in Boston already. We have buses, but no real subway, here in Seattle. This past weekend, I took the bus concept to the next level (namely, the Greyhound to Portland) due to cost considerations, as well as the romantic notions I attach in my mind to any kind of mass transport.

Romantic? You're thinking: that's nuts. But here are some thoughts on riding the Greyhound versus driving down the I-5 gnawing a piece of gum while rummaging through the backseat for a fresh CD:

-Riding the bus says: the tide comes in, and the tide comes out, and much like the ocean's tide, buses and trains traverse the landscape every day. Passengers surrender to the schedule. It's bigger than them.

-Riding the bus reminds us that, rather than the false glass-and-metal wall that separates a single-car commuter from others around her, there is actually a gauzy veil separating one's fortunes from another person's lot in life.

-Riding the bus is an indication that one can estimate, within 0.1 pairs, how much underwear to bring for a weekend excursion, and pack economically to avoid putting her luggage in the questionable bowel-like storage of a wheezing old bus.

-Riding the bus takes us from one city center to the other, leading us through the well-used public places worn to a shiny patina, with all the grime and excitement and weariness that comes with traveling a great distance with total strangers. Airports are not nearly so convenient or interesting.

Finally, riding the bus means we get to ride way up high in our non-reclining, slightly musty seats. And we can see right down into your cars, America! Right down to the floorboards covered in discarded Big Gulp cups and soiled hoodie sweatshirts! You guys are sort of messy.

Road Trends: The car you save may be your own

With apologies to Flannery O'Connor

Leaving Montana

You may already know this, but Dell and I basically followed the Lewis & Clark path out here to Seattle, albeit with less risk of dysentery and no guns. On the drive, we were reminded constantly of our intrepid forerunners by historic plaques - you know, the ones I like to read out loud - at rest stops along the way. Which is exactly where you need something to read: OUTSIDE the restrooms. Someone should write a letter.

In any case, the trip was hard on Lewis & Clark back in their old-timey days. Dell read on one rest area plaque that each man in the expedition ate 9 lbs of meat a day during the journey.

In modern times, however, our journey was tough on the ol' Silver Bullet.

I went to get the oil changed in the car, thinking I was being a very responsible car owner by going 400 miles early. However, to my chagrin, my car was out of oil. As in, dry. The guy told me the oil light should've come on any minute, but it was okay now. He rolled his eyes and gave me a look usually reserved for people who:

• sample more than one grape at the grocery store;
• fold women's underwear when they 'need' the dryer at the laundromat;
• pick their noses at red lights.

So I'm a bad car owner. And I always thought checking the dipstick looked so dashingly awesome; what a missed opportunity. Oh well! The Silver Bullet completed the Lewis & Clark route with no troubles after that. More to follow!

Road Trends: That playlist? Surely uJest. iRefuse!

You might wonder how we pass the time in the car all day. Sometimes we read funny and/or misspelled road signs out loud ('Crazy Woman Creek Road' in Wyoming? What a hoot!), but mostly we endlessly negotiate about the music play list.

As it turns out, if the intra-car musical summit were the United Nations, NPR would be Switzerland. Totally neutral, if soporific, territory.

Anyway! Dell is fond of Venn diagrams. I have put together the following helpful illustration of our musical tastes.

Road trends: boats!

As part of planning to tell my reader(s) Way Too Much about our days on the road, I'll be sharing some of the trends we encounter in traveling.

First trend: Applebee's has wi-fi. And so, here I am at an Applebee's posting on this blog. Thanks, Applebee's, and to the indisputably technologically-minded person who manages the Onalaska, WI location! My beer is a badger brew, no joke.

Anyway! Second trend: outsourcing your locomotion. Why drive all the way there (Wisconsin) when you can drive to a boat, park your car on a boat, and then meet new people or sleep while motoring across Lake Michigan from Muskegon to Milwaukee? Well, you just wouldn't. Especially since there is a snack bar in the main cabin selling cinnamon buns the size of a toddler's head.

Here I come, Cheeseheads.

Mini Cat Status: Altered (Ha! Specifically, he was sedated for the boat ride. Trippin')