Cat Status: Weighing in on the health care debate

Dear President Obama,

Up until recently, I admit, I had no opinion on the raging healthcare debate, of which I have heard so much lately.

However, on a recent Wednesday night, I had the misfortune of suffering an attack of acute colitis. I was transported some minutes in a crate, via loud mystical moving machine, to an emergency vet where I was subjected to all sorts of undignified tests. These tests culminated in a prescription for a foul-tasting tablet called 'antibiotics'.

But I digress. As a severely overweight, domestic long-haired cat, I should perhaps be more concerned about my continuing access to health care. Nevertheless, in the same difficult evening with the emergency-vet-of-the-cold-hands, I believe I have identified a solution to the current national problem of paying for health care for all US residents.

You see, when it came time to pay for the services of the ice-fingered veterinarian, my cat-mom possessed the magic word: Visa. Why have we not heard this word in the debate before now, Mr. President? Once the magic word has been invoked, it seems there is only one further layer of query: debit or credit?

Mr. President, I wish you the best of luck in navigating the ongoing controversy. But I also urge you to look into the 'Visa' option, as it has done wonderful things for me, my colon, and the frequency of litter scooping in my own home.

Your feline citizen,

Pablo the Cat

Concerned Citizen Pablo

Cat Status: Needs belly rub

Bring me Solo, and a cookie.

Looks like Pablo and I had a similar weekend.

Oktoberfest in Fremont was a beer-taste-a-thon, in which I tried several delicious wheat beers, my first watermelon beer (odd, sort of delicious) and my first smoked porter (also my very last, even including future triple-dog-dare scenarios).

In case you've never been to Oktoberfest, the atmosphere was: bierfrau costumes, smacked lips, tipsy smiling people, and greasy food. No zombies in evidence, though we all know Fremont is zombie central.

Of course, I can't just blame the beer. There was also massive ingestion of fresh-cut curly fries. Yummmmm.

Picture not to scale

Cat Status: Deliver us from zucchini

Pablo's hiding, and not because it's playtime.

I'm about to cut his wet food with zucchini*, because I bought way too much at Trader Joe's last weekend and I have to use it up before it goes puckery at one end and gooey at the other. These summer squashes are like the loaves and fishes of the famous proverb: numerous, multiple, bottomless.

They just sit there, in their fancy Ziploc bag in the fridge, mocking me: 'What's your next move, cupcake? How will you prepare us next? What about some nice pasta - WITH SAUTEED ZUCCHINI?'

Oh, I'll eat those smug courgettes all right. I'll give thanks for them, too, for I'm not going hungry - and the good produce season will soon pass into the potato-and-rutabaga fog of deep autumn.

*not really

As soon as Maury Povich is over, you guys are going to get it.

Cat Status: Cease the Insomniac Maniac Attack!

Generally I choose pet-friendly lodging options, partly because I am a good citizen, but mostly because Pablo has been known to yowl bloody murder at night and sometimes I can't be bothered to wear pants to bed. Therefore, in the event we get booted at 3 am for smuggling him into a hotel, it would be a major sartorial hassle.

Pablo has not been tolerating the hotels very well. A couple of nights ago, I threatened to: sell him to a shady ethnic restaurant; drop him off on the side of the highway in coyote country; and never buy him another mousie. Somehow none of these threats compelled him to quit yowling. This, despite the fact we were in a great Holiday Inn Express location!

However, I'm happy to report Pablo did something other than yowl last night. I'm hoping this turns into a Road Trend, if you know what I'm saying.

Cat Status: Round

Cat beds should come in all kinds of shapes, which is a mediocre idea for an invention someone else is welcome to steal. Why must cats always be round? Pablo is obviously bored with this shape; he is yawning! Let me know when there is a star-shaped bed, a lightning bolt, or maybe an ankh.

Clearly, it is high time to hit the road.

Cat Status: Paranoid

He had thought it could never follow him from Boston. But last night, The Laser Toy - its irresistible red dot mocking him - returned to taunt him in earnest. Pablo has dedicated his life to saving the world from this insidious force. At every chance, he attempts to catch and destroy the threat The Laser Toy poses to mankind. Pablo is committed to uncovering the conspiracy of The Laser Toy and will continue to pursue this dastardly foe in the Emerald City, should his nemesis wiggle its way across the carpet and make Pong-like maneuvers on the wall.

Cat Status: Clandestine

Pablo was successfully smuggled through Upstate New York to arrive in Michigan. In the days following, he has been subjected to a VC Andrews-like banishment on the second floor, so as to keep him separate from the resident feline(s). Updates to follow.